Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
January 31, 2012
File Size
5.3 KB
Mature Content
Yes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,658
Favourites
11 (who?)
Comments
24
Downloads
0
×
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: violence/gore)


A/N: Rainbow Factory doesn't belong to me. You must read that story to get this one. Please keep in mind that this story mentions blood and merciless beatings. Viewer discretion is advised.


"Any last words, you miserable worthless whore of a foal?" The insane blood covered pegasus said straight into Scootaloo's weak and dying eyes,
"You have beutiful eyes," Scootaloo said with what she thought would be her last breath. She winced and closed her eyes as che expected her skull to be crushed my the hatred filled rainbow pegasus. A few seconds passed, and Scootaloo opened her eyes again. Rainbow Dash was on top of her, caked with blood, but something was different.
"Why didn't you kill me?"
Rainbow still sat there, her hoof drawn back.
"I," the suited pegasus managed to get out of her lips,
"I... You would risk your last words, to compliment my eyes?"
Scootaloo then noticed that all the hatred was gone from her eyes.
"Well, you still are considered a sister to m-"
Rainbow didn't let her finish. "I was about to end your life, and you complimented me?" Tears were running down her face. Scootaloo still looked into her eyes, still thinking the shade of magenta suited her cyan coat.
"Yeah, you just need to know... Just end it now." Scootaloo said as she slowly tightened her eyes closed.
"No," Rainbow said as Scootaloo felt the pressure from her hip disappear, "No, why would I do that?"
Scootaloo was shocked now. I complimented her eyes and she is back to my sister?
"Rainbow Dash?"
Tears kept her from replying, while she walked into the corner of the large room with her head down, mumbling just so Scootaloo could here her,
"Why? Why am I doing this?"
She sat down when she reached the corner, still sobbing. Scootaloo then thought of alll the ponies she was in the room with only about an hour ago. She looked at her wounds from breaking the door, being shocked, and flying through the factory. They stung really bad.

She heard a soft thud then, to look over to Rainbow smacking her head into the wall.

"Nopony deserved this!"

Scootaloo slowly hovered over to the blood soaked pony, still stinging from the cuts in her sides and flanks.

"Rainbow Dash, it's not your fault..."

"YES IT IS!" The shrill scream echoed through the room, making a few of the suited ponies wince. Scootaloo nuzzled the rainbow pegasus's shoulder.

"No it's not," she said turning around, "It's their fault. They hypnotized you to do this. They were USING you..." She stopped talking when she stopped hearing soft sobs next to her. Rainbow Dash turned her head in her hate filled eyes, but Scootaloo wasn't scared. She knew that the fastest flier in Equestria was looking at the suited ponies. She zoomed at them, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

"THEY DID WHAT?!" Rainbow screamed as she flew across the room.

"It's them who MADE you kill ponies. THEY made your mind sick and twisted and-" She was cut off by a scream as RD picked up one of the workers and chucked him across the room, into the machine. All of the other workers gasped. Scootaloo smiled, knowing what she was doing. Rainbow was singing: "IN THE RAINBOW FACTORY! WHERE YOUR FEARS AND HORRORS COME TRUE! IN THE RAINBOW FACTORY! WHERE NOT A SINGLE SOUL CAN GET THROUGH!" She had an insane smile on as she grabbed working pegasi, one by one. She came up to a blue pegasus worker.

"YOU'LL LOOK GOOD IN A RAINBOW!" She screamed as she bucked the pony in the shin and then bit the back of his neck and threw him into the machine. Scootaloo watched, not knowing what emotion she had anymore. Spectrum was spewing out of the machine, like a spigot turned all the way up, but the rainbow liquid didn't flow fast enough. Holes started to break in the machine side, spewing spectrum onto the floor of the room. Rainbow wasn't singing now, but she was half laughing, half crying. The last worker stood in horror, to scared to move out of the way of the berserk cyan pony in front of him. Rainbow headbutt him in the chest, knocking him across the room. Rainbow bucked the limp body repeatedly, crying and laughing at the same time. Laughing as hard as she could, not actually knowing what was truly happening, while tears streamed down her face. Eventually, the life left the limp body and Rainbow dashed over to Scootaloo, her eyes of hatred turning to eyes of love. she picked up Scootaloo and hugged her tight in mid air, rubbing the blood that wasn't dry on her chest.

"How are we going to get out of here?" Scootaloo asked, hugging the mare back. Withough warning, Rainbow sped out the door as fast as she could while still embracing the filly. She glided through the halls, hitting every scientist pegasus she saw. Eventually, she came to an end of twists and turns that led to a door. The speeding pagasus broke through it and headed straight for Canterlot, to report herself and the Rainbow Factory of what they have been doing, and she would accept any punishment. The mare didn't care if she was going to get executed, as long as she stopped herself from hurting a pony she loved.

The End.
:iconajstorey456:

Rainbow Factory Alternative Ending.by ajstorey456

Literature / Fan Fiction / General Fiction©2012-2014 ajstorey456
Mature Content
I read Rainbow Factory this morning! It's a good story! I jsut though the ending was sad, and I felt to make it better, like I did with my little Dashie! (Not better, but less sad.)

Rainbow Factory does not belong to me. Preview Picture by :iconlelestar: (LeleStar) Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, and MLP FiM all belong to Hasbro.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconalue26:
Alue26 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2012
Loved the art of the fic, love the EYES!!!!
Reply
:iconinfectiousspy:
InfectiousSpy Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
Looks rushed, good concept though.
Reply
:iconajstorey456:
ajstorey456 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not rushed, I planned the whole story out at school. I just couldn't think about Rainbow Dash ending and killing Scootaloo. My friends asked me what was wrong before I knew I was crying.
Reply
:iconchinchillakingxam:
ChinchillaKingXam Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Believe it or not I just read Rainbow factory yesterday, and most people assumed she kills Scootaloo after that final line. I had it in my head to create an alternate ending as well, but it didn't flow right, unlike yours which works with the actual story. But it's short, like a five minute clip after the credits of a horror movie, which I suppose is what you were going for. The ending paragraph feels a little lazy, but I suppose not everyone is interested in hearing all the boring details of what we already know is going to happen next. Personally I would've gone over the top and made a big story full of twists and turns! Like what I did for My Little Dashie (Yes I did something for it as well. XP). All in all I prefer your ending because it's sweet, and I believe just because something is grimdark doesn't mean you have to F--k with people's feelings on the characters bonds with their loved ones. -w-
Reply
:iconajstorey456:
ajstorey456 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
0.0 I have NEVER got such an answer to a story.... thanks for feedback and I wasn't f--cking peoples feelings I was trying to make the ending less sad. AND YOU MADE AN ALTERNATIVE TO MY LITTLE DASHIE TOO? UUUGH. everybody wants to now.... and HAHA I WIN, I READ IT THIS MORNING!
Reply
:iconchinchillakingxam:
ChinchillaKingXam Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like to be detailed in my responses,and I just happened to find my way to this story and seeing what it was and that it wasn't too long I shrugged and gave it a look. Like what I read.

Oh no no, I wasn't saying you were f--king with peoples feelings, I meant stories like the original rainbow factory, or Cupcakes, the gore is fine but the emotional shank is uncool by those.

Well in my defense I haven't seen a single one that really lives up to the original, which is what I was going for. Gave it a conflict, an adventure, some unique characters, and ended it on a happy and humorous note. Give it a read sometime, I'm getting cover art drawn for it before I post it in any groups or on FIMFictions.

It takes me a while to write fictions, and I got too many in the works to divert to something different. But maybe someday I will write something.
Reply
:iconajstorey456:
ajstorey456 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, I did 2 that lives up to the original, My little Dashie (Sobs of Dashie) ((More of a sequel)) and this.
Reply
:iconchinchillakingxam:
ChinchillaKingXam Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well I'll take a look when I have some time. ^^
Reply
:iconajstorey456:
ajstorey456 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hope you do! :3 (SPOILER ALERT) It's short as hay.
Reply
:iconchinchillakingxam:
ChinchillaKingXam Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Don't matter, short bladder. Just means it will take up less of my time. XP
Reply
Add a Comment: